Saying bye to habit tracking

A journey beyond checkmarks

Seven colorful icons were staring me in the face - the habits that I was supposed to complete that day, neatly catalogued in an app. The usual suspects. Wake up early. Meditate. Move. Write. Read. Breath practice. Express gratitude. All self-imposed¹, but useful nonetheless.

And as I was having this staring contest with my phone - and losing - I realized I’m ready to stop this charade.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to do the things listed, but that keeping score lost its shine, stopped “serving me” - as the saying goes.

This was last November. But the epiphany had slowly been building over time. The common understanding is that epiphanies resemble a hand-grenade of thought - violent and unexpected - but I think they need a process of incubation to be realized.

And that’s exactly what I went through. Over a period of a few months, I started becoming increasingly suspicious of my routine of checking off my "must-do" habits. This apparently innocent activity started to metastasize into a type of life-gamification that felt empty and meaningless. It focused more on the outcome rather than the process, emphasized discipline over intuition, demanded "willpower" over values. I saw it for what it was: a game masquerading as self-improvement.²

At first, tracking started as an experiment: a way for me to set a few priorities, develop a routine of healthy habits and test out this god-tier self-improvement tactic. After searching way too long for the "perfect" habit tracking app - and there are more of them than atoms in my cup of tea - I opted for the most straightforward one. I only needed to enter my habits and I was good to go. In the initial stages, it provided structure and motivation.

But then, things shifted.

There were days when I'd see that I hadn't completed the "meditation" habit, so I quickly sat down for a one-minute session. Naturally, I did that so that I could justify the check. One-minute meditation counts, right? To me, it does. But not so that you can tick a fucking box.

I can see how habit tracking can help if you're easing into a new routine or trying to change your way of living, but for me, it stopped being about accountability, and it morphed into a stress factor. When I lost my 40+ day streak of meditation because I simply forgot to practice that day, I was hit by what I call "streakshame." My “progress” was lost. But when looking deeper, I didn’t lose anything - perhaps just my rigid expectations of myself.

One reason why I don't see the value of tracking my habits is because they became ingrained. I came at a point when I simply know what I deem essential in my life. Even though I would not exercise for a few days (due to sickness or life being busy), I still knew that it was a top priority. I didn't need an app to remind me of that. The mere sight of my neatly organized dumbbells was enough to signal how important movement is for me. That was the case with my other habits too.

Now, if I want to see how “well” I’ve spent a day, a simple mental check will do the job. There won’t be any record of it so I won’t feel the angst of starting from “day one.”

Did habit tracking help me crystalize my priorities? Perhaps. I don't want to dismiss its role entirely. But one thing I'm certain of: if you know what's important in your life, you don't need to monitor whether you did it or not.

That being said, I'm not against tracking everything. It's not the tracking per se I'm rejecting - it all depends on its purpose. For example, when it comes to exercise, I will continue to keeps logs of my workouts (noting down sets, reps, weigh used, etc) because they help me progress. It's really useful to see those numbers. But how does knowing I haven't read anything last Tuesday help me be the person I want to be?!

Now for the plot twist. I must admit that sometimes I want to see my progress or my consistency neatly laid out in an app. It's gratifying to see rows of check marks, standing behind you like an army of achievements. "This week you meditated X number of times." Now I can feel good about myself! With a habit tracking app, you get the pleasure twice: once when you finish the activity, and again when you check it off. No wonder so many people do this! I still feel the delicious pull of that streak - a crowning achievement, or a testament to my failures, depending on how well I've stuck to my plan. But I quickly snap out of that mindset and remember that life is more than what gets recorded in an app.

So how will I keep myself "on track" now? By simply paying attention to my behavior. My goals and priorities are pretty damn obvious to me. So every time, every day, every moment that I do something which is not aligned with them, I know. I notice a nagging feeling in my body. It manifests as restlessness, or subtle frustration.

The Greeks have the concept sophrosyne which can be roughly translated as moderation or sound-mindedness. It is considered an important virtue that’s essential for cultivating one's character. Those who have sophrosyne are said to be “tempted by the good." This is what I strive for. No check marks needed.

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My thanks go to

Miche Priest

,

Alissa Mears

,

Meryl Rowlands

and Justine for helping me think through this.

1. Because nowadays we're both our masters and executioners.

2. Nevertheless, when I started, I think it provided some benefits.